Miss Universe Netherlands
Well… where even to start?
Yes, you are reading the headline correctly. I was a contestant for Miss Universe Netherlands 2022.
Matter of fact, the very first transgender woman in The Netherlands.
When I was a young boy I saw the Miss Universe pageant on TV and I knew that one day I wanted to grace that stage.
I wanted people to look at me fully proud and think; wow! how did she do that!
When I applied for the casting I was quite nervous, I didn’t know what the organization would say, or how they would react on my application.
I tried for several years to be honest, but only with this year did I truly put in a lot of effort.
I applied, and after a few weeks I got an email back saying: Congratulation! You have made it to the top 100 women who will advance for the social media challenges.
Over the course of 4 weeks after, we had 3 challenges to impress the judges for the grand spot in the top 60, who then would present themselves in front of the judging pannel in real life.
4 weeks later en all 3 challenges complete, waiting for that dreading email, when I finally got an email back.
I made it to the live casting! How exciting and also nerve wrecking!
With preparing the only thing I wanted was for myself to stay myself and make only one person proud: me.
On the day of the casting, which was 16th of April, I saw many familiar faces and a lot of young, promising and beautiful women fighting for their dreams.
After hours and hours of intense training, doing catwalks and closed door interviews they were announcing who were going to make it to the final 10.
After the first 4 girls I got a bit anxious. Already 4 have passed, who’s going to be number 5?
With that moment rushing my head, the announcer made her words:
The 5th finalist who Im going to call, Solange Dekker!
I could NOT believe it, I made history already! The first trans woman to be casted for a MU-N season.
I was extatic! I felt emotions of relief, anxiety for what’s to come, sheer happiness and an unstoppable pain in my feet!
Here I was, loud and proud.
Over the course of the next 5,5 months, we prepared for the finale which would happen on 4th of September.
Looking back, we had an amazing ride together.
We went to Tunisia, which was my first trip to Africa, had various sponsor meetings, met amazing people from all over, had a whole YouTube documentary filmed, did endless photoshoots and runways, and so much more.
It didn't always feel right though, there were a lot of times where I felt like I didn't belong in the group.
It wasn’t only my first time, but for them aswel and perhaps I felt that pressure and uncertainty that they had also.
Or could it have been that I just wanted to win badly? I could see myself with the crown and a legacy from the start and had a whole year already planned out.
But when the moment came and I gave it my all, I didn’t win.
I was shocked, and honestly I was truly heartbroken. Was I not good enough?
Did I really decide myself into thinking I could win this?
Looking back on it, I can understand why I didn't win. I was so focussed only on winning that I forgot to enjoy the process and be myself. I lost sight of why I wanted to join and that moment was a true realization for me to always, no matter what, stay true to yourself and don’t let certain goals distract you.
Would I have done things differently? 100%
Perhaps I will join again if they decide to allow contestants back, or perhaps not and I need to close the chapter.
Nevertheless I have learned an extremely important lesson and got closer to myself. And that is something, I am truly grateful for.